​People with a COMPETENCY CONFLICT STYLE, also known as the methodical style, respond to conflict by taking a problem-solving approach, focusing on objectivity, rationality, logic and reason. They have an unemotional approach, focusing "on the matter". They value cognitive efficiency, analysis and getting things done as opposed to what they see as ‘irrationality’ expressed in emotional reasoning.
 
Although efficiency is an effective problem-solving strategy, avoiding or denying emotions can have detrimental consequences. When people with a competent conflict style go into problem-solving mode they may come across as cold and lacking empathy, especially if others have an emotional responses to the situation.
 
The Competency pattern consists of Enneagram types 1, 3, and 5 and they all have different ways of relating to systems and rules.
 
Enneagram type 1’s place emphasis on being competent by being correct and sensible, calling on higher moral values and integrity.  They manage feelings by repression, channeling their feelings into activity. Enneagram type 1’s work within their belief systems, valuing moral law and ethical fairness. They want to follow the system and can get upset with those who don’t. They are especially dismissive of others if they transgress some deep ethical rule they may have about life or if others’ behaviour directly impacts them negatively.
 
Enneagram type 3’s place emphasis on competency by being efficient, effective and outstanding. They manage feelings by ignoring them and focusing on tasks and goals. Work ethics are very important to them. Enneagram type 3’s mainly want to resolve chaos smoothly without impacting their own or others’ opinions of them, as long as they come out looking good.  Enneagram 3’s have little patience for rules that may not suit them. 
 
Enneagram type 5’s place emphasis on having information and answers to everything, thereby demonstrating their competency. They manage feelings with  detached objectivity, staying cerebral. They value deep reflection, seek knowledge and strive for a complex understanding and higher perspective of the problem. They often move outside of the systems and group norms, working alone.
 
If competency is your dominant conflict style, remember that dealing with feelings, instead of denying or repressing them, increases our empathetic connection, helping to develop a better and deeper connection with others. People feel heard, seen and validated when their emotions are taken into consideration, especially the intense reactive conflict style types.
 
The Enneagram Conflict styles / Harmonics Patterns comprise a person’s defense or coping mechanism in response to stressful situations, whether faced with conflict, obstacles, difficulties or disappointment. It is an emotional regulation pattern for coping with unmet needs. 

People may have different patterns in different situations or contexts, whether at work or in interpersonal relationships.  Even if it is not their dominant response, other Enneagram types might be connected to a specific conflict style through the wings or the inner connecting lines and express themselves in this manner in specific triggering situations.
 
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What is your conflict style?

People who are eternally cheerful and optimistic approach conflict with a POSITIVE OUTLOOK CONFLICT STYLE. They focus on happiness and positivity. They don’t sweat the small stuff, always looking at the best possible outcome and framing challenges into a broader context. In conflict situations, they bring our attention to what is right, how the problem may not be that bad or how there is a lesson in adversity.

People who use the positive outlook conflict style might minimize difficulties or downright deny that anything is wrong. In their avoidance of pain and over-focus of the positive emotions, they might not be in touch with their own negative emotions or those of other people.  This pattern is also known as the avoidant or escapists style - focusing on making the conflict go away or escaping the impact. People with this pattern tend to disengage themselves quickly from the problem situation. They might find it difficult to hear about other people’s unhappiness or suffering, especially if they play a role in it. They need to learn to acknowledge and face conflict.

Enneagram types 7, 9, and 2 all put emphasis on being positive, while avoiding acknowledging their negative reactions, especially if these are a shadow aspect for them.
 
Enneagram type 7s habitually focus on happiness by bringing an energetic, lively uplifting energy into any environment. They actively avoid negativity by making life fun, but in the process may create some chaos for momentum and distraction since they fear being stuck in boredom and the mundane.  
 
Enneagram types 9 maintain their tranquility throughout any ordeal, acting as a soothing, grounded presence for others and bringing a calmness into any environment. In their quest for harmony and peace, they avoid turbulence, big waves and disturbances. They are very conflict-avoidant.

Enneagram type 2s place emphasis on their own positive self-image and on maintaining a cheery disposition by focusing on the goodness in themselves and others, amplifying their lovable aspects. They tend to keep people close by being a good giving person, but may neglect their own needs in the process.
 
People with a Positive Outlook pattern need to be mindful that they tend to overlook the problem, sometimes even denying that it exists. They need to realize that sometimes it’s necessary and beneficial to face a problem (without putting a positive spin on it) and that their avoidance of problems and conflict may actually contribute to the problematic pattern.
 
If this is your pattern what would like to say to your partners/family/friends/work colleagues/bosses if you were free to say anything. How can you frame it in a direct, honest, non-violent, non-accusatory manner? 

How can you develop strategies that draw on the strengths of the competency and reactive patterns to help you with the best outcome? It is the combination of all three Conflict styles that gives us the freedom to respond in an optimal manner to conflict and difficulties. 
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What is your conflict style?
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The INTENSE REACTIVE CONFLICT STYLE’s response to conflict is direct and confrontational.  People with this pattern tend to react strongly and passionately when faced with disappointment, obstacles or difficulties. This conflict style is also called the Emotional Realness pattern, emphasizing honest expression of emotions.
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Their manner of emotional self-regulation reflects a need for emotional mirroring. They expect, demand or provoke equally passionate responses from others. When constructive, everybody involved learn about each other’s positions and a resolution is reached that takes into account everyone’s needs.
 
People using this style may come across more strongly than intended which often leaves them feeling misunderstood, being seen by others as “too much” or “too intense”. They may need to learn to down-regulate and contain intense emotions. In some instances they may come across as aggressive and they need to be conscious of how their venting of frustrations can impact others.
 
The intense reactive conflict style of Harmonics Group consists of Enneagram types 4, 6, and 8.
 
Enneagram type 4’s may take a more withdrawn approach, sublimating their strong feelings into artistic expression. They might privately rage, but not externalize their frustrations immediately. In the meantime there is an amplification of their inner states, which may result in depression or a devastating outburst which feels alien to them. They may get stuck in the negative feelings/self-states and see the expression thereof as authenticity.
 
Enneagram type 6’s may react in outspoken combative, defensive lashing out, standing up for what they believe, drawing attention to anything that feels wrong or dangerous. Most often they may be more selective in their reaction, using the emotional release as a way of assessing people or situations, testing their loyalty and safety.
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Enneagram type 8 reacts with aggressive force, with untethered anger and denial of vulnerability. They avoid being controlled and dominated by others and therefore become controlling and domineering in their need for independence/self-reliance. They often feel energized by conflict.
 
The Enneagram Conflict styles / Harmonics Patterns comprise a person’s defense or coping mechanism in response to stressful situations, whether faced with conflict, obstacles, difficulties or disappointment. It is an emotional regulation pattern for coping with unmet needs.
People may have different patterns in different situations or contexts, whether at work or in interpersonal relationships.
 
Even if it is not their dominant response, other Enneagram types might be connected to a specific conflict style through the wings or the inner connecting lines and express themselves in this manner in specific triggering situations. For example, the Enneagram 2, the considerate helper has internal connections (inner lines) to both the Enneagram 4 and 8. Consequently, the reactive conflict style may be a shadow aspect for them even though their main conflict style is Positive Outlook which I will be discussing next. 
 
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What is your conflict style?
 
The Enneagram Harmonics Groups refers to a person’s dominant response to stressful situations, crisis and conflict.  It shows the underlying similarity in how certain clusters of Enneagram patterns emotionally self-regulate and cope with obstacles and difficulties.
 
People whose preferred style is COMPETANCY respond to conflict by going into a competent mode of functioning and taking an unemotional problem-solving approach. They tend to avoid experiencing any strong feelings, focusing on objectivity, rationality and logic. These patterns value efficiency as opposed to what they see as ‘irrationality’ expressed in emotional reasoning. Although efficiency is an effective problem-solving strategy, denying emotions can have detrimental consequences. They may also come across as cold and lacking empathy to others.
 
People whose preferred style is POSITIVE OUTLOOK respond to conflict by avoiding negativity. They avoid acknowledging their (and other’s) negative emotions and reactions. They focus on the positives and the best possible outcomes, on the silver lining within the dark cloud. They habitually look on the rosy side of things, “everything will be okay”. Their ability to reframe problems to put a positive spin on them may sometimes be necessary in certain situations. However, their focus on happiness and positivity can be used as avoidance of problems, causing problems to escalate.
 
People whose preferred style is INTENSE REACTIVENESS responds to conflict directly and emotionally. They express their reactions openly and in doing so, look for emotional mirroring, needing the other persons to match their emotional intensity.  People with this conflict style may get caught in a never-ending loop of expressing emotions, without coming to a solution. Under stress, they have a hard time containing their feelings and venting their frustrations can significantly negatively impact others. The Reactive conflict style is probably the least supported by the western world, which values rationality and emotional repression. They are in touch with their negative emotions but less so with their positive emotions.
Each Ennneagram type in a specific Harmonic group has its own variation of the general underlying pattern. Different patterns can manifest in different situations, for instance at work or within intimate relationships.

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The Enneagram is map of the human psyche, an invisible blueprint of various archetypes.
 
The Enneagram depicts nine points on a circle, each representing a different personality type with a distinctive core motivation and idealized self-image which has a profound influence on how we live our lives.
 
Even though the Enneagram describes traits and behaviours of each type, it emphasizes the underlying, often unconscious motivation since behaviours may belong to more than one type. 
Ultimate, it is about why we behave in the way we do. Each Enneagram motivation is unique, distinctive and multidimensional.
 
Each core motivation or Enneagram type is associated with characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. 
 
Becoming aware of your unconscious motivations and how you act out certain archetypal patterns in the world will increase your flexibility as to how you respond emotionally, how you think and behave - as opposed to being stuck in outdated paradigms or worldviews… and keep falling in the same hole. To make lasting changes in our lives, we must determine what currently shapes our judgment and decisions. 
 
Becoming conscious of our Enneagram patterns is the first step. It is a helpful tool for raising consciousness and becoming aware of the implicit assumptions we have about ourselves and the world and the strategies we use.  Through developing the inner observer, we can slow down the activation of our habitual personality patterns and change the automatic “operating system” according which we function.  We can then truly unlock our own potential, become the complex adaptive systems we are as human beings and impact positively on the world around us.
 
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