“The wounds arise from early losses, rejections and insufficient holding environment arising in part from experiences with the absent and blank mother. They leave behind the nagging feeling of being flawed and inadequate. Perfectionistic habits develop to compensate but do not lead to growth.” (p. 27)
 
Unease, anxiety, or perhaps even a sense of unexplained dread, low self-worth and a lack of confidence, a feeling of being an imposter or living a façade may all be symptoms of inadequate mothering. However, let’s not blame the personal mother as we know now that intergenerational trauma is passed on from parents to children; generation to generation; and that it is extremely difficult to mother properly when inadequate mothering was received.
 
We have also learned that, for optimal mothering, the mother needs to be adequately contained by the father and/or a community. Inexperienced mothers often find themselves alone in the challenging process of mothering amidst difficult circumstances. Many mothers are traumatized themselves and may dissociate from their internal world and feelings of sorrow, abandonment and betrayal in order to survive psychologically. They become absent to themselves and consequently to their children. These complex emotionally deadening internal spaces, where there is deficient relationship to self – and lack of connection to others - are transferred from mother to child. This emptiness becomes a fault line in the personality.
 
A psychologically absent mother “cannot recognize or support the child’s psychic aliveness and this denies permission for the child to exist or be separate.” (p. 14) Whether outright or subtle, maternal rejection, emotional neglect or a lack of secure attachment arrests the healthy development of the child.  A mother who is unable to relate to her child’s authentic self-expression, treating the child as a narcissistic extension of herself, can’t fulfill the child’s basic needs for love, affirmation and validation. This impacts the child’s the ability to feel and express love in a healthy manner and a self-denigration may develop. The lack of the mother as an internal anchor reverberates through the personality.  
 
References:
Susan E. Schwartz, Ph.D. THE ABSENCE OF MOTHER
https://speakingofjung.com/podcast/2019/1/18/episode-40-susan-schwartz
Image credit: Andrew Peterson 
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How do you remember your father? Was he a kind, loving presence in your life, fully engaged with your upbringing? Or was he partially or completely absent and you were brought up by your mother, grandmother, extended family or other caretakers? Was there the mystery of a biological father and a much harsher reality of a stepfather? Or was your stepfather the light in your life?

The impact of a real father or father figure, or the lack thereof, on our psyche is enormous. It may empower or disable us.  Our fathers (or father figures) are our first introduction into the world of the masculine, shaping our perceptions of the wider world as we venture from the relative safety of the maternal circle. Our relationships with our fathers shape our views of the feminine, and how we respond to the feminine world, whether we value or dismiss it. This may play out in our relationships with woman, whether in intimate relationships, friendships, social situations or work environments. The relationship we witnessed between our father and mother becomes a blueprint for future relationships.

Our own relationship with our father figures repeats in many other relationships, especially in the form of a father complex, whether negative or positive.  The complex is based on the specific conditioning or programming we received as children though the real interactions with a father figure. This may compel us to search for father figures all our life, sometimes ruthlessly competing for their attention.

Underlying our relationships with the father lies the father archetype. A pattern with numerous potentialities as reflected in the many fathers from history, mythology, fairytales and observed in the world around us. The devouring father who shallows his children such as Kronos from Greek mythology. The Greek goddess, Athena who was born from the head of her father after he shallowed her mother. The father that cuts off his daughter’s hands or banishes his lame son to the underworld.
The relationship with the father, whether personal or collective, impacts profoundly on one’s sense of self. 

Written for #@jungsouthernafrica

Image credit: Shante Young 

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Humanity is in a Dark Night of the Soul, a time of global crisis ushered in by Covid19. People around the world are suffering devastating loss and trauma –the death of loved ones or loss of income as economies threaten collapse.  During this time of uncertainty people may experience feelings of despair, loss of meaning and deep insecurity.

St. John of the Cross, a Spanish mystic and poet who lived in the 16th century, initiated the term “Dark Night of the Soul”.  Having experienced his own dark time while imprisoned, he wrote about painful experiences as a process of “purification” in the spiritual journey towards connection with the divine.
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An experience of the Dark Night is almost always precipitated by a crisis: a dreadful disappointment; a terrible heartache; a distressing illness; or, the loss of a loved one. What follows is a difficult, but significant transition to a deeper perception of life through a painful shedding of the beliefs and conceptual frameworks we use to give meaning to identity, relationships, career, etc.
 
Jung referred to the Dark Night as the ‘night sea journey’ or ‘nekyia’, believing that our sorrow and suffering serve the individuation journey. As an archetypal pattern or process it involves a basic restructuring of the psyche, transforming our individual or collective values and attitudes. Jung metaphorically compared alchemy (transforming lead into gold) to the psychological process of navigating the Dark Night of the Soul, equating it with Nigredo stage.
 
The Dark Night symbolizes death and initiation. The individuation journey must include a meaningful psychic descent into the underworld, a facing of our shadow aspects. Mythology describes many such descents in the tales of  Inanna, Persephone and others.
 
The Dark Night of the Soul can be a painful, chaotic, frightening, overwhelming and disintegrating life crisis. It can also be a time of transformation, renewal, rebirth and finding deeper meaning in life. Our collective response to the current coronavirus pandemic has the potential to reframe, renew or even completely change our belief systems which may bring a shift in consciousness and alter the future of humanity.
 
A social media post I wrote for @jungsouthernafrica
 
Image credit:  Michal Karcz
 
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The horrific image of a father cutting off the hands of his daughter belongs only in fairytales, or does it? Hands symbolize our ability to grasp and to hold, to take care of ourselves (and others). To be without hands is to be disempowered, helpless and dependent on others.  How many fathers inhibit their daughters’ development, keeping them as little girls, preventing them from growing into strong, powerful woman?
 
There are an abundance of tales depicting this brutal image such as the “Handless Maiden” fairytale; gruesome stories of mutilation, of fathers (or brothers) hacking off the limbs of young girls, either in rage or in selfish bargains with the Devil (Shadow). Traditional narratives about these stories see it as an initiation rite of the wounded feminine soul. But the troubling abuse in the story echoes the constant underlying fear and threat of physical or emotional violence that saturates the lives of girls and women.
 
The Story goes like this: A struggling miller unknowingly sells his daughter to the devil in exchange for wealth, having promised the devil whatever is behind his mill, not realizing that it may be his daughter (who was there sweeping). During the transaction the father chops off his daughter’s hands, but due to her ‘healing’ tears the devil can’t claim her. The first part of the fairytale could represent a father’s unconsciousness – his ignorance of his own impact on his daughter and how his behaviour might disempower or even brutalized her.
 
The tale carries on when the daughter leaves, meets and marries a King who gives her silver hands and she gives birth to a son. However, due to the devil’s meddling, she was forced to retreat deep into the proverbial forest. Here an angel restores her hands as she encounters her emergent self without the old identity and crippling habits. She is eventually reunited with her husband.  

The fairytale becomes a blueprint for the journey of individuation – a transformation from wounded child to wholeness.  The story represents an initiation into the power of our own deep instincts aligned with the creative power of Nature, which we access if we take the journey inwards, into our deepest wilderness.
 
Other versions of the “Handless Maiden” include "The Girl Without Hands" (Germany), "The Girl With Her Hands Cut Off" (France), "Olive" (Italy), "Doña Bernarda" (Spain), "The Armless Maiden" (Russia), “The Armless Bride” (South Africa), "The Girl Without Arms" (Japan), "Rising Water, Talking Bird, and Weeping Tree" (French Louisiana) and many others. 
 
Read an in-depth exploration about this fairytale at: https://jessicadavidson.co.uk/tag/handless-maiden
Image credit: Jel Ena

A post I wrote for @jungsouthernafrica 
 
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